weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
