I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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