Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
