Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
