What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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