we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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