He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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