I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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