I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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