HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
