it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Michael Bay diarrhea
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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