I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So vagazzling was a success
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
