i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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