He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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