yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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