I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
