I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
