Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
