Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
