I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
