Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
