Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
