There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
