You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Let's paint friendship bongs
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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