Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
