please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
BRING THE BAGELS
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
