I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
