I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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