just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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