just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
