its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
