i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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