4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
