the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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