Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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