I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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