Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
