My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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