i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
