He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
