I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
