Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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