I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I will be naked everywhere
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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