Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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