I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
