R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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