you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
