Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
