umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
