you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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