i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
