And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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