morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm like, not good at living.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
