He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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