How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
