i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
