Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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